An Honest Writer's Christmas List

Ah, the Christmas list. A serious bone of contention in our house, one that leads often to heated debates of to be surprised or not be surprised, which is better?

Regardless of the fact that yes, I do like surprises and prefer not to write an exhaustive Christmas list, I thought it might be interesting to write a list of the things that I and many other writers really do want.

1. Pens and paper aside as those always end up in a writer’s stocking, how about a laptop? Maybe a Mac, cause we all know that the better the laptop, the better the writing.

2. Don’t forget that just because we have a laptop, doesn’t mean an I Pad isn’t useful. In fact, we as writers could be writing and researching at the same time if these first two items were under the tree.

3. A nice big, fat substantial edit from someone like CA Marshall (who is holding a contest right now to win said edit). If only our loved ones knew how we’d squeal and jump to see this lit up by sparkling lights and tinsel.

4. To find the paper work to a major writer’s conference, like Pacific Northwest Writers or Surrey International would be enough for some writers to break out of their usual quiet, reclusive writer self and go screaming around the house scaring all the cats.

5. A writers retreat us something most writers only dream of, a place of solitude and inspiration where the only demand is to write is on my list. I prefer a beach side hut, or mountain chalet if I’m being really honest.

6. Here comes the big one. Have the loving spouse go and find you an agent. Surely at Best Buy there is an isle where you could pick and choose. Or maybe Bed Bath and Beyond would have a back room of agents.

7. And if an agent seems to difficult for the loved ones to find, perhaps they would have better luck going straight to the source and be able to procure a contract with a publisher. Hmm. That would be the best ever!

8. Our own personal marketer and PR director to run all the social media that is needed to get your name out there so you as a writer could focus on just the writing.

9. A dinner/lunch date with your favourite author and they didn’t mind when you peppered them with questions.

10. And the realist in me is going to put out there that if you are totally stumped on what to buy for your reclusive, cranky writer, get them a gift card for Chapters, Barnes and Noble or some other bookstore (e-book counts too).

There’s the list, hope it helps for all of you buying for a writer or two. As always, if you would like to add to the list, please do, I have a few writers I need to buy for and damn they are a hard bunch!

Writing Allergies and Irritants

As a writer, there a few things more irritating than a pen that runs out of ink at the climax of a scene that’s been building for five pages. An irritant like that can feel at time like a bad case of allergies. I've come up with a few more irritants that make me want to alternately pull my hair our or throw my computer out the window or both at the same time. And here they are.

1. This one is an irritant to many who aren’t writers too I’m quite sure. The phone. It never rings until I’m comfortable in my chair, laptop revved up and fingers are on the keyboard. And it's across the room.

2. The weather. Why is it so damn sunny and nice out on my days I set aside for writing? I want it dark and stormy, a real mood intensifier. Not some unseasonably warm , happy come play outside temptation of a day.

3. Slow Internet is the bane of my existence. I have to wait to get to a wireless café or steal from my neighbour if I want to upload pictures on the blog (of which you will see are absent from this post) or if I even want to send out a large attachment.

4. The cat, much as I love her, seems to feel that if I’m writing, she must not be getting the attention she deserves. This also applies to the dogs, my husband and numerous other people who shall remain nameless.

5. Unknown technical problems. Like the computer shutting itself off with unsaved work on the screen. Or randomly choosing not to hook up to the Internet. Or choosing not to be able to find files that I have JUST saved.

6. Not hearing back from agents, editors or publishers in the time frame that THEY give. My agent isn’t a problem (She’s wonderful!), but I’m finding that publishing houses and editors don’t follow much in the way of their own time lines. Poopy heads.

7. Someone who has never written a book telling you how you should write yours. Or how they could write a book no problem, they just never got around to it. I try not to strangle these people. I prefer to kill them off in a scene somewhere. Preferably a nice, gruesome scene. Maybe turn them into a rotting zombie.

8. People asking, “Aren’t you done yet?” or “You’re a writer?” both are said with a large dose of snobbery and condescension. And yes, I have had people ask me these things.

9. A minor character in your book suddenly deciding to take on a life of their own and you realize that you now have to write them their own story. Or series. This one isn’t all bad, just one of those moments that you let out a sigh and wish your characters would sometimes, once in a while, behave themselves.

10. Last but not least. You finish your book, hand it out to your beta readers or editor, they give you their feedback and you realize that you have to cut out a massive chunk of your book and re-write it. Yes it will make the book better, but damn, I always wish I could have figured it out sooner and saved myself some grief.

Like a bad case of hives, these irritants can really get under your skin if you let them and worse, they can completely derail you from your writing progress. Take a deep breath, a walk in that beautiful sunshine that’s tempting you and let the irritation go.

I would love to hear what other irritants are out there, so comment away, tell us how bad a case of hives you’ve got and how you deal with them.