I t this a Serious blog? Helpful? Dare I say insightful? No, not really. I thought I’d share with you the side of me that usually only those closest to me, or those I’m trying to impress get to see. Lucky you!
Many moons ago I attended the PNWA conference in Seattle.
Determined to snag myself an agent and editor, I was full of confidence, charm
and great clothes (thanks to a very fashionable friend). I knew that agents
would be floating about the hotel and I poured over their pictures, memorizing
their faces, favourite things and adjusting my pitch for each of them. The first
one I ran in to, was a younger guy. Literally. I managed an “oops, sorry!” And continued on down
the hallway, before I realized it was one of the agents I wanted to impress. In
a last ditch effort, I yelled at him from thirty feet away. “Hey Joe!” He
looks. I wave. “I’ll see you later!” I’m sure he thought I was making a move on
him, but I didn’t care, just wanted to stand out of the crowd.
On a scale of 1-10, maybe a 7 on being memorable.
The next agent I was in the elevator with, again, oblivious
that this is one of the agents I wanted for myself, one of the top agents from
New York. So after I casually mention how short she is in an attempt to garner
a laugh, I then go on to point out that she’s as short as my great grandmother,
someone we as children affectionately called Yoda for her wrinkles, slight
greenish tinge, height and British accent. This agent had all of those, except
the accent wasn’t British but Kiwi. As in New Zealand. It wasn’t till I sat at my
table that I had a flash of insight and recognized that the picture of this
agent I’d been studying was from about 40 years ago when she wasn’t a salt and
pepper haired old lady with glasses. Ah crap.
I think that may have scored me an 8, as the agent glared at
me while I pitched her. I’m pretty sure it’ll be a long time before she forgets
me.
The final encounter I’ll regale you with is where I broke
down and offered to bribe an agent if she would just give me her card. She
laughed. I didn’t. When I finally pitched to her, there was only the briefest of
awkward silences where she sighed and said, “Send me your submission and put in
the heading, Money Girl.” Done and done.
That one got me a 10 as I found out later she had been
telling people about the gooney Money girl!
The only person I didn’t make a complete ass of myself in
front of was the agent who signed me from the conference. In
fact, I didn’t think she was even interested in my genre so I quit trying so
hard and just had fun. She loved the ms and me. So the moral of the story is, desperation
doesn’t work. Try to be memorable when pitching to agents and editors, but don’t
insult or injure them.
And use bribery
only as a last resort.
*Side note, since then I've dropped my agent and continued on my publishing journey on my own, but for those of you hunting for an agent, I hope this blog gives you some do's and don'ts.
