Need Amazing Cover Art? #amwriting



I've introduced you before, but I want you to all say hi to Ryan Bibby, cover artist extrordinaire! Ryan lives in New Zealand with his wife and kids and is building up his clientele list as a cover artist. Not only his he an AMAZING artist that SERIOUSLY will knock your socks off. He produces high quality work that stands alongside some of the BEST covers in the industry. There is no doubt in my mind that without his amazing covers, my books wouldn't sell even half as well as they do. People judge books by their covers, plain and simple.

Its a funny story how I met Ryan. You remember the cover art polls I was doing late last year? Ryan contacted me and offered his services as a prize for the cover art that recieved the lowest number of votes. Aww, what a sweetie! I did point out that might not go over so well with the "winner" of the new cover art, so instead we did a draw off another posting all about Ryan. If you want to check that out, click HERE.

After that, it was all downhill! Just kidding!

 Ryan put together my Zombie-ish Apopcalypse cover art, Ingredients of a Cauldron and my most recent title, Priceless. He works across the board with different genres, and honestly is FABULOUSLY easy to work with.
Ryan is still building his clientele list, so if you are looking for cover art, I can recommend Ryan without reservation as a talented artist, great guy and all around workhorse when it comes to making sure your cover art is spot on.

So take a minute and check out just a few of Ryan's cover art in a variety of genres.

To contact Ryan email him at ryan.a.bibby@gmail.com OR you can check out his new website

book-cover-designs.com

 

 

 

 

 

Loving the dark of Hallowe'en

I wrote this post for another site, but I guess it was too girly for them to post ;p I like it though, and wanted to share it with you.

 

Oh baby, I love Autumn, but more than that, I love October! The sharp, crisp frosted air in the morning the falling leaves, the days of hot apple cider and cool nights huddled inside with a special someone. Not to mention Samhain and Halloween whichever you celebrate, this is the month it happens.

I don’t know about you, but Halloween and all it encompasses makes me a bit giddy. The costumes, make-up, strange snacks (have you eaten finger cookies lately?) bonfires and foggy nights, the pranks we pull on each other, parties that run late into the night, favorite scary movies we watch every year, the laughter and whispered stories that make the hair stand up on the back of our necks and give goose bumps all over our bodies; maybe I love this because I write horror, but I think it’s more than that.

The whole idea that the distance between the living and the dead thins on that one special night gives me, not unpleasant, chills. I mean, who wouldn’t want to have one last chance to speak to a loved one who’s passed on before their time? Again though, it’s more than that, I believe it is a visceral understanding that one day we will be the ones on the other side and that our loved ones may be reaching out across to us for comfort and that one last goodbye.

This time for celebrating the darker side of life, the fears, terrifying thrills and sweet startling scares, I believe, that they remind us of one very powerful thing. We are alive, the darkness hasn’t closed in over us . . .yet. And that is the same visceral understanding of the darkness that draws us to horror stories. We read things that, at times, leave us quaking with fear, unable to sleep, startled by shadows in the night. But as long as we feel these intense emotions, can hear the thump of our blood pounding in our ears, the harsh rasp of our own breathing . . . we are alive.

Horror, thrillers and other related writing can bring us as much gratitude for our lives as a self help book, if we stop to recognize our reasons behind our love of the darkness, and all the richness and appreciation they can bring to each of us.

So rather than grabbing “Oprah’s” pick and searching out some gem for renewed happiness, grab a book that encompasses all that the darkness COULD be, and be glad that your life holds none of it.

Happy Hallowe'en!

The last batch of Funny #amwriting tips . . . Promise

Okay, this is it. The last batch. All good, all funny. Enjoy. Stolen from http://psychoprogs.com

67. Strangely enough, it is impossible to construct a sentence that illustrates the meaning of the word 'irony.'

68. Consult a writing manual to assure that your English is correct.

69. It has been suggested that some words are absolute, not relative. This is very true.

70. Be careful when forming words into a sentence-all orderings are not correct.

71. Many words can ostensibly be deleted.

72. In your quest for clarity, stop at nothing.

73. Complete mastery of the English language comes with conscientious study, notwithstanding around in bars. Moreover the next page. Inasmuch detail as possible.

74. Sporting analogies won't even get you to first base.

75. If you must quote, quote from one of the all-time greats (Cedric.P. Snodworthy, 1964).

76. In the absence of a dictionary, stick to words of one syllabus.

77. Steer clear of word-making-up-ism.

78. Readers will not stand for any intolerance.

79. If there's one thing you must avoid it's over-simplification.

80. Double entendres will get you in the end.

81. Vagueness is the root of miscommunication, in a sense.

82. Don't bother with those "increase-your-word-power" books that cost an absorbent amount of
money.

83. Self-contradiction is confusing, and yet strangely enlightening.

84. Surrealism without purpose is like fish.

85. Ignorance: good writers don't even know the meaning of the word.

86. The spoken word can look strange when written down, I'm afraid.

87. Stimpy the Squirrel says "Don't treat the reader like a little child."

88. Intimidatory writing is for wimps.

89. Learn one new maths word every day, and you'll soon find your vocabulary growing exponentially.

90. My old high school English teacher put it perfectly when she said: "Quoting is lazy. Express
things in your own words."

91. She also said: "Don't use that trick of paraphrasing...... [other people's words]...... inside a quote."

92. A lack of compassion in a writer is unforgivable.

93. On a scale of 0 to 10, internal consistency is very important.

94. Thankfully, by the year 2016 rash predictions will be a thing of the past.

95. There is no place for overemphasis, whatsoever.

96. Leave out the David Hockney rhyming slang.

97. Bad writers are hopefully ashamed of themselves.

98. Eschew the highfalutin.

99. Sometimes you publish a sentence and then, on reflection, feel that you shouldn't ought to have been and gone and written it quite that way.

100. Practice humility until you feel that you're really good at it.

33 more LOL Funny #amwriting Tips

In case you didn't get enough with the last batch . . . again, stolen from http://psychoprogs.com :0)


34. Take care with pluri.

35. If you can't think of the exact word that you need, look it up in one of those dictionary-type things.

36. Colons: try to do without them.

37. Nouns should never be verbed.

38. Do you really think people are impressed by rhetorical questions?

39. Pick a font, and stick with it.

40. Sufficient clarity is necessary, but not necessarily sufficient.

41. Less is more. This means that a short, cryptic statement is often preferable to an accurate, but drawn out, explanation that lacks punch and loses the reader.

42. Sarcasm-yes, I bet that will go down really well.

43. The problem of ambiguity cannot be underestimated.

44. Never appear cynical, unless you're sure you can get away with it.

45. Many writer's punctuate incorrectly.

46. Colloquialisms are for barmpots.

47. There is a lot to be said for brevity.

48. To qualify is to weaken, in most cases.

49. Many readers assume that a word will not assume two meanings in the same sentence.

50. Be spontaneous at regular intervals.

51. The era of the euphemism is sadly no longer with us.

52. Want to be funny? Just add some exclamation marks!!!

53. Want to appear whimsical? Simply append a smiley :)

54. Some writers introduce a large number, N, of unnecessary symbols.

55. Restrict your hyphen-usage.

56. Choosing the correct phrase is important compared to most things.

57. Some early drafts of this document had had clumsy juxtapositions.

58. Try not to leave a word dangling on its own

59. line.

60. The number of arbitrary constants per page should not exceed .13.

61. Use mathematical jargon if it is absolutely necessary.

62. And avoid math symbols unless ? a good reason.

63. Poor writing effects the impact of your work.

64. And the dictionary on your shelf was not put there just for affect.

65. If there's a word on the tip of your tongue that you can't quite pin down, use a cinnamon.

66. If somebody were to give me a pound for every irrelevant statement I've ever read, then I would
be very surprised.

33 Pee your Pants Funny #amwriting Tips

I didn't come up with these on my own, I stole them from http://psychoprogs.com :0) But they were totally worth the theft . . .and I will be giving you some more later in the week . . .

1. Every sentence should make sense in isolation. Like that one.

2. Excessive hyperbole is literally the kiss of death.

3. ASBMAETP: Acronyms Should Be Memorable And Easy To Pronounce, and SATAN: Select Acronyms That Are Non-offensive.

4. Finish your point on an up-beat note, unless you can't think of one.

5. Don't patronise the reader-he or she might well be intelligent enough to spot it.

6. A writer needs three qualities: creativity, originality, clarity and a good short term memory.

7. Choose your words carefully and incitefully.

8. Avoid unnecessary examples; e.g. this one.

9. Don't use commas, to separate text unnecessarily.

10. It can be shown that you shouldn't miss out too many details.

11. Similes are about as much use as a chocolate teapot.

12. Avoid ugly abr'v'ns.

13. Spellcheckers are not perfect; they can kiss my errs.

14. Somebody once said that all quotes should be accurately attributed.

15. Americanisms suck.

16. Capitalising for emphasis is UGLY and DISTRACTING.

17. Underlining is also a big no-no.

18. Mixed metaphors can kill two birds without a paddle.

19. Before using a cliché, run it up the flagpole and see if anybody salutes.

20. There is one cheap gimmick that should be avoided at all costs..............suspense.

21. State your opinions forcefully-this is perhaps the key to successful writing.

22. Never reveal your sources (Alistair Watson, 1993).

23. Pile on lots of subtlety.

24. Sure signs of lazy writing are incomplete lists, etc.

25. Introduce meaningless jargon on a strict need-to-know basis.

26. The word "gullible" possesses magic powers and hence it should be used with care.

27. The importance of comprehensive cross-referencing will be covered elsewhere.

28. Resist the temptation to roll up the trouser-legs of convention, cast off the shoes and socks of good taste, and dip your toes refreshingly into the cool, flowing waters of fanciful analogy.

29. Don't mess with Mr. Anthropomorphism.

30. Understatement is a mindblowingly effective weapon.

31. Injecting enthusiasm probably won't do any harm.

32. It is nice to be important, but it is more important to avoid using the word 'nice'.

33. Appropriate metaphors are worth their weight in gold.

Cover Reveal- Purgatory Reign by L.M Preston W/ Rafflecopter

Peter Saint's life stinks. But things are about to get much worst. First, his parents are murdered in front of him. Then another victim dies in his arms. Visions plague Peter with warnings that something wants him for a sinister cause. It desires the one thing that Peter refuses to give—his blood. Peter carries within him the one gift or curse that could unlock a secret to destroy the human race. On the run with Angel, a scruffy kid, Peter starts to unravel the mystery. It's the one treasure the heavens sought to hide from the world. Unfortunately, when Peter finds the answer that he hopes will save the girl he loves, he opens the door to a great evil that happens to be salivating to meet him.

E-Book release date- March 2013
Paperback release date- May 2013

Book Trailer Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atvKA9E4bPI&feature=youtu.be

Read sample: http://www.freado.com/book/13273/purgatory-reign


Pre-Order Link- http://www.amazon.com/Purgatory-Reign-Series/dp/0985025131/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1344012202&sr=8-1&keywords=purgatory+reign+by+lm+preston


http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/bc05446/" rel="nofollow">a Rafflecopter giveaway

I want to write for "The Walking Dead" and other strange Ideas

There. I said it. I want to write for that show. Amazing, fantastic show that it is, the only way I'd ever get even a smidgen of a shot at being a part for it would be as a writer. I mean, I have already written my own zombie-ish acpocalypse and I have ideas for others, so why not put them to good use? Because it's the only way if I'm going to get to be on this show.

I can't act.

I ain't no stunt woman.

Camera's confuse me on the best of days.

The idea of directing anyone is laughable, my own dogs don't listen to me, why would anyone else?

Okay, maybe they could dress me up as a zombie, but that's a one shot deal.

So, here we go. I could send them ideas. Like maybe killing off Carl. (Was that my outside voice?) And I'm not the only one who thinks killing him would be a good idea.

Or how about some top less shots . . . of the men.

 
 
 
 





  Now don't act like you ladies don't watch the show. My neighbour, who is in her fifties loves it, most of the women I know watch it and LOVE it. In fact, I know several women who have *ahem* expressed interest in seeing the above men with less clothes. I don't know if it would work on "The Walking Dead" but damn, why not ask?

Feel free to leave a comment on the character you'd like to see "more" of, who knows, we might just get lucky. (Yes, the pun was intended)

 

Do you read excerpts?

That's the question of the day. I see people (I should say authors) putting up excerpts of their books, quite often as #SampleSundays but not only. With the KDP program, authors cannot put excerpts up on their blogs, (which seems odd seeing as it is a form of advertising) but that's a post for another day.

What I want to know is, do you read excerpts? Ever? A little? Leave a comment, let's get a discussion going because I'd really like to know.

Because I don't read excerpts. Ever. Not even my favorite authors. I read the blurb, maybe a few reviews and then decide. But maybe I'm missing the boat here. Of course, part of my reason for questioning is this . . .

Before I put up my next books, before they go into the KDP select program and I can no longer share like this, would you like to see excerpts?

Like from "The Chronicles of Sin: Gluttony" or my new Urban Fantasy "Priceless" or maybe even from my contemporary romance I've just started, "High Risk Love."

Again, this is because I don't read excerpts, but maybe you do, and maybe you want to see more from me . . . (or less, I suppose that's possible too!)

Werewolves, Vampires and Shifters . . . Oh My!

 This is a post from last year that I decided to put up again. Why? Not only because Jen is a good friend, but because Amazon has taken down close to THIRTY of her reviews, leaving her with only NINE! Wow, that was a blow. So, I'm hoping that the book will intrigue you, and that you'll the time to leave this lovely writer, and person, a review. Now, on to the interview!

Jennifer Simas is the debut author of Until Dawn: Last Light. I've read the book and will be doing a review on it (as soon as I can find time!) but a sneak peak would be YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS OUT! Oops, sorry about the caps, I get a little excited about this book. Really, it is well written, has a super fast pace and every supernatural monster you could want in it. Vampires, shifters, immortals, heroes, action and romance. You know what, just go and get it, at .99 it is a freaking steal! But, now, let me shut up, and let Jen tell you a little about herself, and her writing.

1. Jen, tell us a little about your book Until Dawn: Last Light. Do you have a favorite scene?

Until Dawn: Last Light is a paranormal romance/urban fantasy blend about a woman named Zoë who’s struggling to accept her immortality – and the end of the world. For the past six years, Zoë has been anything but “normal,” let alone human. The story follows her as she’s thrown into this war that’s been waging in the shadows for over a thousand years. Through the book, Zoë must find a way to become what she’s meant to be, joining the other Chosen to save what’s left of humanity. When the endless night falls over the Earth, the reader will find out if Zoë will be able to save the one man who reminds her what it is to be human or if will it be too late. It’s really a story of death and despair, love and longing, hope and hopelessness, and the ability to survive and keep going even when it seems impossible – when you want nothing more than to give up.

As far as my favorite scene goes, that’s a tough one. Almost as tough as making me pick out a favorite character – or child. I wrestled back and forth with this one, but I think it’s going to have to go to a scene from the end of chapter twenty-one. I can’t exactly explain it without giving anything away to new readers. It takes place in Zoë’s bedroom chamber in the castle in England and, let’s just say, it got a lot of great reactions out of readers and I had a blast writing it.

2. How long did it take you from your initial idea for the book until you actually started to write it?

I actually had a dream about the book while driving to the coast one afternoon – don’t worry, I wasn’t the one actually driving! That had to be back in my senior year of high school. I jotted down some notes back then and kind of put the project on the back burner for a while. I think I started writing the first draft (which was awful mind you) about a year or so later. From that point it probably took me about four years to finish the entire book. There were a lot of breaks in between each draft and the story has transformed drastically from then to now; in fact, it’d probably be unrecognizable.

3. What draws you to writing?

I’ve always been very passionate about writing; that is, aside from when I was younger and my dream was to have giant zoo in my backyard! I started at a very young age with poetry. That continued up until sophomore year of high school when one of my English teachers assigned us a short story project. I got the highest grade in the class and realized how much fun it was to create my own worlds and characters – I got to be the one to control how everything ended. It was exciting, to say the least! Shortly after that I started my very first novel about a group of kids that fell into a lake with an eerie history and started passing that out to my friends. When I saw their reactions and their need to know what happened next, I just knew that I had to write. And I have ever since!

Hm, come to think of it, I wonder if I still have that short story and novel anywhere. They’d both make for some fun YA books!

4. Which author do you find the most inspiring?

I’ll probably get a lot of crap for this, but as far as “most inspiring” goes, it has to be Stephenie Meyer. Not for her writing but for what she accomplished as a first time, debut author. She really achieved that goal that we all aspire to when we first start writing. We all want that major book deal, having millions of readers, seeing our characters portrayed on the big screen – we want our books to be read and loved and talked about. That could just be me, haha.

As far as writing goes, it’s a tie between Charlaine Harris; I’m a sucker for those bloodsuckers of hers, and Francine Rivers, who’s Redeeming Love influenced me to dabble in the world of romance.

5. Favorite position when writing- recliner, couch, bed or straight backed chair?

I really enjoy writing while lying down in bed. It’s peaceful – perhaps a little too peaceful, haha. I usually get quite a bit for about the first 20-30 minutes before falling asleep. Maybe I just have one super comfy bed! As far as a productive position, it’d have to be snuggled up on the sofa with the laptop either sitting in my lap or, preferably, on a TV tray. As long as I have some great music play, I’m not too picky.

6. In your off time, what do you do for fun? Or is there such a thing as off time for you?

Hm, what is this “off time” you speak of? No, I actually do get off time, during which my brain is still going over new ideas for stories and characters. I guess that switch is hard to turn off for writers, I’m sure you know what that’s like, Shannon.

With how much of my time is spent sitting in front of a computer screen, I like to be as active as I can during my off time. I love water sports (swimming, wake boarding, etc.) I’m also big into rock climbing. As of late, if I’m not typing away at the computer, you could probably find me at my local rock climbing gym or in Yosemite 800 feet up on a mountain. There’s something extremely peaceful about being that high up. It is the ultimate escape.

5. Biggest supporter of you and your writing.

I’ve got some phenomenal friends that have supported my writing from the very start. Along the way, I’ve met some other authors that have also kept me going. My boyfriend has proved to be one of my biggest supporters. Not only in writing but also in life. Anytime I find myself at the end of my rope, ready to just give up, he’s been there to tie on a few extra feet. There was also another person who, in the early stages, made sure that I didn’t give up when I was going through the dreaded query process. This old friend gave me a framed picture, which I keep on my desk to this day, that reads: Persistence – now that we’ve exhausted all possibilities…let’s get started.



This is Jen, ain't she cute? :D

6.What are you planning next for your writing project? Can you tell us a little bit about it?

Right now, I’m really trying to focus on finishing up the Until Dawn series. Still playing with where I want to end it off, not sure if I’m ready to say goodbye to Zoë and the other characters just yet. Also, I might be doing a back-story for the Until Dawn series of the first Chosen, but that’s still on the shelf for now. I do have a handful of ideas jotted down for other novels, one of which would be told from a male character’s point of view. I’m really looking forward to diving into that one.

For now, readers can look forward to Until Dawn: Into the Dark, coming in Winter 2012!

Interview with a #Vampire . . .I mean author

This was my very FIRST Skype interview and to be fair, it was actually the second as the first got cut off in mid stride do to not 1, but 2 power outages! It was great fun, and I am looking forward to doing something like this on my own blog now . . . maybe writing tip each week via YouTube video . . .



http://youtu.be/4K7x078IKmc

Write A Review, W!N an #iPad 2

Write a Review---Win an iPad 2!

That’s right, er, write! You have the choice of five (5) AWESOME, STELLAR books to choose from, and by

leaving a review, and sending us the link to that review (send to onedaybookpush@yahoo.ca ), you are in the draw to

Win an iPad 2 16gb Wifi Enabled (Black or White, your choice)!

It’s that simple. Your review doesn’t have to be 3 pages long, nor do you have to be a “Pro Reviewer”. As authors, we value ALL reviews. Even the ones that give us some tough love.

This is not an attempt to buy good reviews. Every review will be counted for the appropriate number of entry(ies). We value honesty, as does Amazon.

You will have between September 5^th-26^th to get your review LIVE on Amazon**

For each book you review, you’ll get an entry into our draw for the GRAND PRIZE of an

iPad 2!

 

          




                 Allegiance by Derek Blass
            http://bit.ly/N7lGWGAlleg    

 

 

The Bedeviled Heart by Carmen Caine http://bit.ly/N7lC9eHeart  

 

 

 

 

 

Dark Waters by Shannon Mayer http://bit.ly/SbI7gDWaters 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This Time Forever by Patricia Paris http://bit.ly/PRnQpATime

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jockey’s and Jewels by Bev Petterson http://bit.ly/PZp8jNJewels 

 

 

 

 

 

Now, if you decide to read and review MULTIPLE books, that of course will get you more entries. As in multiplied entries.

Read and review two (2) books, you’ll get four (4) entries.

Three (3) books you say? Well then, you get six (6) entries.

You’ve managed four (4) books. Wow. Eight (8) entries.

All five (5)? Ten (10) entries it is!

So what are you waiting for?

*Minor details*

**You can post to Amazon.com or Amazon.co.uk. If you have an Amazon.co.uk account, please post your review on Amazon.com as well*

If there are less than 10 reviews per book that come through in the contest the prize will be lowered to an iPod touch. This will be at the discretion of the organizers.

All reviews MUST be an Amazon Verified purchase (this lights up in green under your name on the review you leave) OR you must show a proof of purchase. In other words, no fake reviews please and thank you very much.

Only one (1) grand prize will be awarded

All reviews that would like to be entered into the contest MUST send in their link to their review at onedaybookpush@yahoo.caAny reviews that go live during this time period on Amazon that do not send in their links to the above email will NOT be entered into the draw.

Winner will be announced October 1, 2012 at Rogue Books- http://www.rogue-books.com as well as contacted by email.

1 Star Reviews and What You Should do About them

Stupid, hokey, awful, unbelievable, stinks, worst book ever, gibbering descriptions, ridiculous, dumbed down.

Yes, these are words used in the few 1 Star reviews I've received for "Sundered."

Why would I share them with you? Because we all get 1 and 2 star reviews, no matter our genre, writing ability, years in the business or how dang nice we are as people, we get them. And if you want your  books to be read by a lot of people, get used to the idea that those people will share their opinions with you and you can't make everyone happy.

Now, on to the good stuff.

Young, green and impressionable or sensitive authors take note as arguing with reviewers is a SERIOUS NO-NO so don't do it.There is only one thing you can do as an author when you receive reviews like this . . . .

 

 

 

Write another book; prove them wrong, and your fans right.

Rampaging cows, gardens and . . .life?

My veggie garden is one of the few domestic things that I do well, and enjoy. Between my day job and my writing, I don’t have a lot of time for any extra’s. But I make time for our veggie garden because what it produces not only fills our bellies with healthy, tasty food; it gives me a sense of accomplishment. Starting the seeds way back in early March, sometimes even late February, I tend to them, watering and keeping the weeds under control.

Most of the seeds take some time to get going, but by May we start to eat out of the garden. Radishes, peas, beans and sometimes even some early lettuce is the start of our summer garden fresh eating.

My husband has cows. Young, naughty, “teenage” cows. More on this later.

With the garden in full swing last week, I was excited. We had family coming and the veggies were ready to be eaten. Corn, carrots, raspberries, strawberries, boysenberries and onions; green and jalapeño peppers, cucumbers and tomatoes were on the cusp of perfection.

Did I mention that my husband has cows?

The DAY before our guests arrived, I got up early, fed and watered the livestock and stumbled back towards the house in a half awake daze. So it’s perfectly understandable that my initial reaction to my decimated garden was one of complete and utter shock. It looked as though a tornado had ripped through, stealing all my veggies and tearing everything up.

The cows had broken into my garden overnight and stripped it bare. Not only had they eaten everything to the quick, they had actually climbed into my waist high raised beds leaving their footprints as evidence to their heinous crimes. Bent signs and a ripped fence with a tuft of black fur on it was all they’d left behind. Not a single, edible piece of anything was left for us. The little buggers had even cleaned out my compost pile which had some volunteer veggies in it.

Once I’d woken my husband up (nicely of course, after all, it was his cows) and he’d patched up the hole, I threw in the towel as far as my garden went. For the next week and a half while the company visited, I didn’t touch my garden. No water, no weed picking. After all, it was completely ripped apart, eaten, trampled and empty of anything left. It was done and so was I.

Then last night, I decided to take a peek in the garden, why I don’t know.

One string of cucumbers had survived, the corn that had been bent, broken and stripped of all its leaves where it wasn’t pulled out, was making an attempt to grow.  I grabbed my hose, watered and pulled weeds, astounded at what I was finding. Everything was still fighting to live.

What has this got to do with anything besides cows and gardens?

Well, just this. No matter how many times the “cows” trample our “gardens” as long as we are still fighting to grow, to feed that which is important to us, there is no such thing as a loss. I may not get all the veggies I’d hoped for, but next year will be better. I’ll build a better fence, and learn from the mistakes of this year. Which will make next year’s garden only bigger; with nicer veggies, and more to share with others.

It’s the same with life, writing, art or whatever it is that seems to be a struggle for us. As long as when the “cows” come in and trample all our precious seeds and starts we buckle down, learn the lesson we needed to learn and continue on, next year will be better.

And if not, I only have one other solution.

Eat the cows.

Women are Crazy: Part 1

The Following post was fun to write, so please read it in the same spirit of fun.

I am a woman, and what I am about to admit to you, is a hard truth, BUT it is the truth. That is the first step to recovery from this *ahem* madness.

I Am Crazy.

I don’t mean in a clinically diagnosed, I- can –take- medication- to- smooth- things- out- crazy. I mean crazy because of the simple fact that I have feminine hormones. You know, the ones ladies. They make us moody, cranky, hyper, horny, not horny, indecisive, decisive, sad, happy, and all of that in the space of a single day.

All women are crazy. We just don’t like to admit it, as if this will somehow give the men the upper hand. Which it won’t, because we have things that they want and can only get from us. (Use your imagination, I ain’t going to spell that one out.)

This is not something we can change, we are born with the crazy gene attached to the hormone estrogen. Do I have scientific fact of this? No. I have, however seen this play out far too many times in real life, not to acknowledge that ALL WOMEN ARE CRAZY. It doesn’t matter their age, or culture. Me included. Don’t try to deny it, don’t get your panties in a twist and leave a nasty note, all that does is confirm what it is I’m writing here.

You, yes, you my friend, are as nutty as I am. The worst part? Often, even WE don’t know why we do the crazy things we do.

A quick breakdown of the numbers that I have calculated inside my head. 95% of women are crazy, they are openly bonkers, saying and doing things that not only make you shake your head, but leave you wondering how they make it through life from day to day. The other 5% (I put myself in this category) are ALSO crazy. But we have learned to hide it from the general populace. My poor husband, though, he gets to see the “dark” side of me, and often comments on how I’m going to be a weird old lady with a hundred cats one day. Yes, true love it is.

But below I’ve put together (Okay, actually stolen a great deal from AA) 12 steps that can help you go from the 95% into the 5%. Of course, if you are reading this, nodding and laughing, you are probably already in the 5%. Or so far gone, we can’t save you.

1.     We admit we are powerless over the crazy gene—that our lives have become unmanageable because of it.(My husband is rolling on the floor with this one)

2.     We have come to believe that SOMETHING could restore us to sanity. I have yet to find out what this is, but surely SOMEONE will figure it out.(Maybe chocolate? I’m thinking that wine will only add to the crazy.)

3.     Make a decision to use our Craziness, ONLY for good, and not for evil. Hard, but doable. Think about the words that are coming out of your mouth before they leave your lips. A good filtration system is the first step to appearing sane.

4.     Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. But not TOO deep as we may just find more crazy below the first layer. Which would be bad. Really bad. Especially if we let it out.

5.     Admit to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our craziness. Being crazy, I believe it will be more of a matter of limiting that number to only one other person. You know what I’m talking about, the whole world doesn’t need to know you convinced your husband/spouse to shave his body hair into patterns.

6.     We’re ready to acknowledge our craziness completely, recognizing that it will always be a part of us, and IN FACT, get progressively worse with age and hormone fluctuations if we do not now, try to keep it in check.

7.     We ask that those around us accept our craziness, recognizing that it is indeed a part of us, and help to keep us from going totally off the rails.

8.     Make a list of all persons we have exposed to our craziness to in one form or another and try to explain it away. Actually, don’t do this, it will only add to their perception that you are bonkers when you try to explain the logic behind giving your cat a hair cut like a poodle and dying it’s fur pink. Not to mention, the dress you put it in.

9.     We will make direct amends to such people whenever possible. Ah, this is where the wine and chocolate comes in.

10.    Continue to take personal inventory, and when we are being crazy, promptly admit it. Again, only to one person. If you grab every person on the street and shout “I’m being Crazy!” that kind of defeats the purpose.

11.   Recognize that it is only through serious control that we, as women, can begin to change the perception of those around us. You know, make them believe we aren’t crazy, when indeed we are just hiding it well. (We all want to be in the 5%)

12.  Have had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to all women, so that the craziness shall diminish in the world. And men will shut the hell up about how damn nutty we are. =)

If you'd like to admit your craziness to the world in the comments section, please feel free to do so.

Check in later this week to read about my post on the benefits to the Madness that is Woman.