I want to write for "The Walking Dead" and other strange Ideas

There. I said it. I want to write for that show. Amazing, fantastic show that it is, the only way I'd ever get even a smidgen of a shot at being a part for it would be as a writer. I mean, I have already written my own zombie-ish acpocalypse and I have ideas for others, so why not put them to good use? Because it's the only way if I'm going to get to be on this show.

I can't act.

I ain't no stunt woman.

Camera's confuse me on the best of days.

The idea of directing anyone is laughable, my own dogs don't listen to me, why would anyone else?

Okay, maybe they could dress me up as a zombie, but that's a one shot deal.

So, here we go. I could send them ideas. Like maybe killing off Carl. (Was that my outside voice?) And I'm not the only one who thinks killing him would be a good idea.

Or how about some top less shots . . . of the men.

 
 
 
 





  Now don't act like you ladies don't watch the show. My neighbour, who is in her fifties loves it, most of the women I know watch it and LOVE it. In fact, I know several women who have *ahem* expressed interest in seeing the above men with less clothes. I don't know if it would work on "The Walking Dead" but damn, why not ask?

Feel free to leave a comment on the character you'd like to see "more" of, who knows, we might just get lucky. (Yes, the pun was intended)

 

Zombies, #Zombies, Everywhere!

Zombies, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways . . .

1.       BEST video games ever are all about the zombies. Now I’m not going to list them but I will give you a link if you want to go and scan through a bunch, I mean like PAGES. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_zombie_video_games On a more personal note, my favorites are Resident Evil 4 and *drumroll* . Plants Vs Zombies ;p

2.       Your grossness comes in a plenitude of varieties which for any good zombie-it is necessary—rotting skin, slimy fingers, puking blood, sagging flesh, eating brains, slurping intestines, heads twisted the wrong way, limbs twisted the wrong way, eyeballs hanging out, eyeballs missing, flapping tongues (eek that’s one that always gives me the shivers), and last but not least nasty breath. Okay, maybe that last one is a guess, but you have to admit it’s highly likely.

3.       Zombie speeds can vary greatly and that makes them freaky. One minute they’re shambling along and you can easily outrun them, the next they’re faster than the fat kid diving after the bowl of candy. I personally love a fast zombie, far scarier, far more likely to eat those horrid neighbours that play loud music all night and shoot fireworks at your animals. Not that I have any personal experience with this. I’m just saying.

4.       It doesn’t matter how many zombie movies are done, they just don’t lose their appeal. I mean, even if the movie is HORRIBLY done (now admit it, there are a few of those) we still watch it. So while we might jeer and throw popcorn, we can’t stay away. Must. Watch. Zombies.

http://youtu.be/9dodWjF1uW8

 Side note. My "zombies" in  “Sundered, A Zombie-ish Apocalypse” are fast, hunt in packs like wolves and came about by way of a weight loss shot gone very, very wrong. Throw in some good old fashioned love and you’ve got yourself a new twist on the Zombie trope.

Why your Novel bites, and Not in a Good way

Okay, if you know me, you know that I don’t pull punches. I don’t like it when people tell me I look nice when I know it looks as though I just crawled out of a sewer pipe. I hate it when people say that my writing is “Just great!” with that falsetto high pitch we all know means they are trying not to offend. It doesn’t help us improve ourselves when people placate us about how we look, or how we write.


So how do you figure out if your novel sucks and how can you fix it? Here are a few pointers I’ve picked up the hard, expensive way. Now pay attention, I’m only going to say this once!


-You have 90% narration, 5% flashbacks and 5% dialogue. Okay, let’s be honest, it takes a freaking MASTER to keep the attention of a reader with this kind of breakdown. MASTER, not NEWBIE. And if you’re reading this, even if you’ve got several books out, you’re a NEWBIE, just like me.

Up your dialogue people! Every time you step into narration and flashbacks, you SLOW your reader down. Way down. Might even put the book down. So try, really, really hard to “up” your dialogue. Turn that narration into a CONVERSATION.


-Your Characters all get along and float through life. Okay, conflict is #1 in a story. Who the hell cares if their lives are perfect? Mine isn’t, I sure don’t want to read about someone who has a better life than me. Readers want a story to show them just how BAD life can get and how the hero deals with it. Look at every chapter, if there isn’t some sort of conflict, put something new in. Maybe the evil stepmother we all thought was dead comes back to life as a zombie. Or maybe the husband who ran off with the sister was really poisoned and now needs to be rescued! The possibilities are endless regardless of the genre, so make your characters SUFFER!


- You are getting complaints in your reviews of TYPOS! Please, please, please get at least one editor to go over your book! If you can’t afford an editor, there are ALWAYS options. Beg another author, do a swap with them and give them an “edit” on their book while they do the same for yours. But dang, there is a reason you can’t get reviews, or that the reviews you do get are 3 stars at best (not including family and friends in this of course because we all make them give us 5 stars ;p).


Typos, dropping plot threads (e.g. A character shows up in chapter 1 but then never again and yet they seemed important, that is a dropped thread), and general issues with your “baby” (that I won’t go into here for sake of space) can be VASTLY improved by having someone in the industry do a pass. Not just your mom or your best friend. Someone who will tell you the truth, even if it makes you CRY!


-Last and final way to improve your book. Learn your strengths and play to them. I write FAST PACED, high octane books that always center on the power of relationships between loved ones. That is MY strength. I can’t write police procedurals, I’ve tried. I can’t write children’s books, the kids get nightmares. Figure out what your STRONG points are. Maybe you have a knack for building tension in scenes to the point of making people grip their books/Kindles in a white knuckle grasp. Build on that. Write emotional scenes so strong you bring tears to people’s eyes? Go for it! Full force on your strengths will make your book stand out from the crowd.


Don’t try to be something you aren’t.


In conclusion, in this shifting world of self publishing going head to head with the traditional publishers, we HAVE to stand out from the rest. Not because we are the best of the worst, but because we are the best of the best.

*Side note* Your chance at $150 in Amazon Gift cards ends Jaunuary 31st( I've extended the deadline)- for more details check out this post here.

"Dauntless" book Launch & a Short Story to boot.

Tomorrow, October 31st, is the big day, the release of Dauntless, the third and final instalment of the Nevermore Trilogy and I’m just a tad bit excited. Okay, I’m -over -the -top -nearly - peed- my- pants- excited!


To help Dauntless shoot out of the starting gate, I’m asking that those who are waiting oh so impatiently for it, to please purchase it between 6-7pm PST to help with the Amazon rankings. This will help me be seen by even more readers, something every author wants and hopes for.

After the writing journey I’ve been on so far (looking for an agent, found an agent, agent is too busy for me, floundered on my own for a bit, now self publishing while agent is in the wings) for me this is a big accomplishment to see a full trilogy published and doing well.

I feel it’s in large part because of YOU my readers. How so? The feedback has been phenomenal, the reviews are 99% 4-5 stars and were not talking just one or two reviews. We’re talking 60+ reviews between the first two Nevermore books, Sundered and Bound. That has given me the encouragement I needed to continue pursuing self publishing.

I wouldn’t be here without my readers and supporters and I want to find a way to thank you. I thought about money and jewels, fast cars and exotic vacations . . . And then I realized what you would all want.

A new story from the Nevermore World.

Tomorrow in conjunction with the release of Dauntless, I have a short story called “No Way Safe” that will be published in the e-zine Forever Nocturne.

The short story follows Annie and Dustin, a brother sister duo as they face packs of insatiable Nevermores, a gun toting crazy woman in a bright purple muumuu and the very daunting task of surviving in that deadly world on their own. Though the short story will leave you hanging (you aren’t really surprised are you?) you will get to see the culmination of Annie and Dustin’s journey in Dauntless.

Again, thank you for all your support and reviews. It is for YOU that I write my stories and I love hearing that you get swept away in them and care about the characters as much as I do. You are the best. =)

Happy Reading!

Interview with zombie guru Jesse Petersen

First of all I want to thank Jesse for coming on my wee little blog and sharing some of her writing experience with the rest of us who are still working on the journey!

1. Jesse, how long have you been writing?

I started writing full-time in 1999, though I'd always wanted to be a writer. Luckily I had a supportive spouse with a good job who wanted me to follow that dream. I sold books under a different name in a very different genre for years, but then I got the idea for the "Living With the Dead" series and was very excited that readers have been very enthusiastic!

2. Has it always been zombies for you or is there another monster(s) you'd like to write about?

I really love zombies. I suppose if I had an idea for some other monster I would write it. It's all about a story that interests me and works.

3. Have you ever done like Stephen King and scare yourself so badly with your writing you couldn't sleep at night?

I write with a funny, sarcastic, snarky tone. So I don't scare myself very often.

4. What's the best thing you've ever done for yourself as an author to help you with your writing and selling of your books?

Really, authors have very little control over what happens to a book once it goes out. I just try to write the best books I can and see what happens. I'm now independently publishing some work, too and I do like that I can instantly see my sales and try to tailor my promotions based on what I'm seeing as sales go up or level off.

5. How long did it take you to find your agent and sell your Married with Zombies to a publisher?

I already had an agent when I wrote MARRIED WITH ZOMBIES. Actually she encouraged me to finish it as she thought it was sellable. It was about 2-3 weeks from when it went out to when it sold. There was an auction, it was very exciting.

6. Would you ever consider doing as so many traditionally published authors are and going to an e-book format and self publish?

That's exactly what I'm doing now. EAT SLAY LOVE comes out from Orbit, which is awesome and I love them. Then in August, I'm releasing IN THE DEAD: Volume 1, a collection of short stories set in the same world as the Living With the Dead series, but not following the same couple (Sarah and David). I'm also independently publishing under my other name. I am just in love with publishing this way. I think there are huge advantages to it (and of course there are many advantages to traditionally publishing, too.

7. What do you think the next big trend will be in the urban fantasy/horror genre?

I don't really worry about trends. I write what interests me and what excites me. Especially now that I'm self-publishing, I just don't have to think about "the next big thing" as much.

8. What's the best piece of advice you could give to up coming authors?

Write a lot, edit a lot, learn a lot and don't jump the gun when it comes to submitting to traditional publishers or deciding to publishing themselves. A good, strong book is your best advocate as a writer, both to editors/ agents and readers.

For more about Jesse and her Zombies, be sure to check out her website,

http://www.jessepetersen.net/

How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse

I guess before we even get to surviving a zombie apocalypse, we first need to know WHEN a zombie apocalypse is happening. What are the first signs we could be in trouble? And do you think we could be headed that way now?


Well, no one knows exactly WHEN a Zombiepocalypse is going to happen, but I'd say watch the government very closely. Scientists too. They like playing God and will likely inadvertently create zombies by way of testing theories they have. For example, nanobots, as pointed out in this cracked.com article, could very well bring about the Zombiepocalypse, all because some scientist wants to keep a body alive a bit longer after death for some of his crazy research. Frightening!

And yes, I totally think we're heading for this type of apocalypse. Isn't there something in the Bible about the dead walking the earth? *shrugs* I don't know. I'm not very religious. Don't sit next to me in church. You'll be going to Hell right along with me because I'll make you laugh through the entire mass.

I'd say that if someone limps toward you and tries to bite you, that's a pretty good sign the Zombiepocalypse has begun. The rotting flesh falling from them might be a clue too. Maybe a missing arm and they're walking around like it's nothing. I'm really hoping zombies can't run, though.

Also, watch/listen to the news and pay attention . . . actually, wait, Twitter is faster and more reliable than any news source. Pay attention to Twitter!

Okay, so now we know we are going to be fighting off the undying hordes, what’s the next step? Food, shelter, weapons? Or maybe none of those?

I actually have a few posts coming up on the Zombie Survival Crew website that covers this area, so I don't want to disclose too much, but I will tell you this: start gathering your weapons now because if your idea is to raid the local Army surplus store right when the Zombiepocalypse begins, get in line and be prepared for a battle because not only does everyone else in the city have the same idea as you, but who do you think runs those stores? Cletus and Earl, that's who! And those boys will defend their keep!

I have to ask, I had several suggestions on my blog to use weapons of a bygone era, spears, arrows and such as they could be used over and over. What’s your take on that?

I am all for using anything quiet, as the sound of gunfire could attract the shambling horde. I'll be covering this topic as well on the ZSC blog in the coming weeks. I have a compound bow, a .22 rifle, and a 30/30. Within the city where the horde of zombies is, I'll be using my bow, though a crossbow would be smaller and easier to handle. You can reuse the arrows, if you can retrieve them. I also suggest learning how to use a staff for close, quiet kills. I am an Amazon, after all.

Best place to hunker down when the horde hits.

If within a large metropolitan city, I don't believe there is any place to hunker down that's completely safe, so I'm planning my escape routes to get out of the city quickly with whatever I can fit in my Avalanche. Aside from that, fortified buildings are good, like prisons and such, but you won't find me there. I hate that in Dawn of the Dead they all end up in a mall. I mean, c'mon, really? Get out of the cities!

It is also my theory that pretty much everyone (characters) in a zombie movie has never seen a zombie movie.

How long before the bodies start to decay or will they? (Hard to know with the conflicting movie messages in regards to this.)

I do believe the bodies will continue to decay because they're dead. My only issue is wondering why rigor mortis hasn't set in. That's my logical brain at work, which also demands that zombies cannot run. I'm with George Romero on that one!
I live in a desert, so if the Zombiepocalypse starts right around summer, like now, those triple-digit temperatures are certainly going to make those zombies rot much faster. It's one of the few advantages I can come up with for staying in Arizona. I'd definitely stay away from the perfect climates, which sucks because, you know, it's a perfect climate. Who wants to leave that? (Perfect to me is mid-70s temps)

How do you know if someone is going to be a zombie? What are the first signs and symptoms?

If bite marks aren't in plain sight, you'll notice the person probably keeping their distance from the rest of the group so they don't get found out. They may spike a fever, get the sweats, and so on too, in which case I would demand a strip search to look for bites. Hey, someone's got to do it and I don't feel like getting attacked in the middle of the night off guard because some idiot couldn't tell the truth. It may sound brutal, but I intend to survive for as long as I can.
And not to worry, if I get bitten, I'll put a bullet in my own head to save y'all the trouble.

Other suggestions to avoid the zombie hordes have been to head for an island, head north, and one gal even suggested locking herself into a Costco? What are your thoughts on these tactics?

I would say an island would be ideal, so long as the infection hasn't made it there or it's uninhabited. I hear a lot of people saying to head north. I guess they think the cold will slow the zombies down. You'd better head to the North Pole then, because you want the horde to freeze, not slow down. Oh, I have a funny story for this . . . a friend of mine a few years back called a real estate agent one day to inquire about buying land in Antarctica. The agent paused and clarified my friend's request. When my friend repeated his words, the agent asked why he was interested in land in Antarctica (because you can't buy land in Antarctica). My friend then responded with, "Because that's where I'm going when the zombies come." The agent paused again, and then said, "Excuse me?" My friend replied, "When the zombies come, I want to be in Antarctica, so I'd like to buy some land there." The agent hung up on him.

First, it's true that you can't buy land in Antarctica. Second, that is a true story, I'm not kidding. It was at the height of the poor man's breakdown, but he's much better now. Third, I pretty much fell over laughing too when I found out.

And back to the question . . . .
I would not lock myself in a store of any kind without a way to get out in the instance the building is surrounded by zombies (*ahem* Dawn of the Dead).

Any last thoughts about things I haven’t covered? (I’m sure there’s a lot so fill in whatever you’d like.)

Oh my goodness, there's so much!

Everyone really should have a Plan in the event a Zombiepocalypse actually does happen. I mean, you have people with bomb shelters and people who have plans for any apocalypse. Planning for a Zombiepocalypse isn't much different. You'll need clean water, non-perishable food supplies, maybe some camping gear, weapons . . . survival stuff. Think Ted Nugent and you'll be right on track.

Has anyone read The Forest of Hands and Teeth by Carrie Ryan? Oh. My. God. That's a good book! I highly recommend it.

Thanks for having me on your blog, Shannon! If your readers would like to keep updated on the Zombiepocalypse, head on over to the ZSC website at http://zombiesurvivalcrew.com. We're a crazy bunch, true, but we're a crazy bunch with a bunch of crazy actors along for the ride. And recently at Spooky Empire's Mayhem in Orlando, Florida, our fearless leader (the crazy woman who started it all) recruited Anthony Michael Hall AND Ted Raimi as First Lieutenants on the crew! We also have the Boondock Saints and several cast members from The Walking Dead.
This is big, people. Join ZSC. We'll keep you safe from the shambling hordes. Why? Because we're taking humans off the endangered species list one zombie at a time.

Jinxie G
Yellow Brigade Commander
Zombie slayer
Vampire wrangler
Sometimes author

N.L. "Jinxie" Gervasio was born on Friday the thirteenth. Her dad wanted to call her Jinx. Her mom said no. It took thirty-four years for her to discover the nickname, and she's grown quite attached to it. She lives in Tempe, Arizona with Umi (her mother) and Moon (her Alaskan malamute). She enjoys riding her beach cruiser "The Betty" around downtown Tempe, loves a good pub crawl, and has had the pleasure and the heartache of experiencing a love far greater than she could have ever imagined.
She welcomes you to her world.