Yes I have an Agent, and Yes, I am self Publishing

A couple of months ago, I had an eye opening email conversation with my agent.

Me: What direction would you like me to take in my writing? Continue on the series you are proposing to publishers, start something new that could be ready in a short time to propose to publishers, or perhaps I could put something out, something like a novella on Amazon to start to create a resume/following?

Agent: I really don’t have any confidence in telling you what direction to take. But I do think it’s a good idea to put some of your work out on Amazon.

Me : Huh? You don’t know what direction I should take? Isn’t that your job? Aren’t you supposed to be guiding me and my career into a long and lasting relationship with a publisher? Is that not why you signed me to a contract, so that we could work together as a team to make it in the publishing world?

No, that last bit never made it on to an email, though I thought it, spit it at whoever would listen and in general ranted it to the world, but never to my agent. You know why?

Two reasons.

One. I respect her and the honesty she gave me. She’s a world class agent, but the world, it is a
changing. She really isn’t sure of how the publishing world is going and because of that, she is encouraging me in a direction that most agents wouldn’t. Or at least, a few short years ago they wouldn’t have. My agent is struggling with her crystal ball and she can’t see the future any more than I or anyone else in this industry can and so . . .

Two. In many ways, her sending me out on my own while I’m still under contract with her is a cool thing, one that once I thought about it, I got excited. Really excited. This is a step in a new direction and I’m pumped about the prospect of putting out my work, getting feedback, and perhaps gaining some notoriety while I’m at it. This is an opportunity for me to take control of my work, where it’s headed and really see a finished project instead of waiting on a publisher.

So that’s where I’m at. Self publishing while still under contract with an agent, hoping for a publishing contract, but no longer waiting to be asked to dance. No, I’m taking my freaking dance card, filling it with the people who’ve supported me along the way, all of you out there reading this included, and I am going to dance my ass off.

With that, I am officially announcing that I will be releasing a trilogy of Paranormal Romance books starting September 1st with Sundered. All three books will be available by September 30th . The trailer for Sundered is on my Books Page, or you can check it out on YouTube here.

“You have brains in your head
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
Any direction you choose
You’re on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the gal who’ll decide where to go.”

Dr. Seuss

Shark Week and writing Horror

I am terrified by sharks, and yet Shark Week on the Discovery Channel is something I look forward to all year. Just like all the horror books on the shelves out there that we dare each other to read with the lights dimmed, Shark Week is a thrill as well as a scare and one I wouldn't miss.

A good book, with a good scare should leave you feeling the way I do as I see the rows of teeth slicing through murky waters. Chilled, heart racing, wanting to hide under a blanket yet still peeking out with one eye. Horror doesn't have to be all gore and blood and guts, but like all books, you need to feel the emotions. By the time you finish reading a good horror, you should be afraid to turn out the light, have the urge to check under your bed and perhaps find that teddy bear you've tucked away somewhere.

I like the idea of one day writing a story about my greatest fear, of putting all those frightening and morbidly fascinating images into a story and bringing the same chills to another person that I feel as I stare at the screen and wonder about the haunting black eyes that roll back in their head as they bite down on their prey.

*shudders*

Okay, maybe I won't be writing about sharks, perhaps for me they are just too scary.

But what about you? What terrifies you and fascinates you at the same time? Would you ever write about it?

The ugly green eyed monster rears its head . . . again . . .

*This is a cranky rant so please pass over it if you aren't up to joining in*

Okay, this hasn't happened to me in a while and perhaps that is exactly why I feel the need to write about it. I just saw the cover and release date for a book, what looks like a really good book and the green eyed monster jumped up inside of me and started to stomp around.

I met the author at a conference before she was published, about a year after she had her contract with her publishing house. We had a great visit, she is a very lovely gal and if she's reading this, I am completely happy for her. No, really, I am!

Yet still there is that part of me that wants to roll around on the floor, kicking my heels and shaking my fists at the heavens. I'm no newcomer to the industry (going on 8 years writing with purpose, more than that writing for the hell of it), I've been to my share of conferences, met lots of people, pitched till I was blue in the face. Hell, I even have an agent. But that doesn't change the fact that I am still in the search for a contract, still in the same spot that most other writers are and as much as I am happy for those who "make it" it can also be intensely frustrating.

There is no magic wand, despite the urban fantasy theme, there is no set of rules that if you follow them step by step you are guaranteed a spot on the bestseller list. Perhaps for me that is the core of this green eyed monster. I am by nature, a person who likes to figure things out and as hard as I try, there just is no figuring out what will sell and what won't. One day vampires are in, the next day they're staked out in the sun to shrivel up.

Maybe because I have an agent I'm not supposed to say these sorts of things. But really, it doesn't matter what part of the journey you are in, you can end up feeling as rotten as you once did on step one, even though now you are on step ten or eleven (just guessing). I think that's important to remember, especially for me. The journey is what this whole writing business is about. The destination will come, one day, but focusing on the journey on the rough days is how to get through.

Okay, I think I'm done now and I can go back to my writing, believing that one day, me too, will be on the bookshelves. But please, if you feel the need to rant, go right ahead, the comment box is open.

Narcissistic Writers Anonymous

Yup, I said it. Narcissistic Writers Anonymous (NWA) ain't so secret now. You say to yourself, but I'm not narcissistic, I'm a writer, I'm humble and nervous and maybe even downright shy.

But I think I can prove to you that yes, indeed you have some narcissism floating around in you, particularly when it comes to your writing. Take a look at these scenarios and see if they are familiar.

1. When someone asks you about your writing you launch into a detailed description of the characters, the world you've built, how you came up with the idea, current rejection of your work and pretty much go on, and on, and on, monopolizing the conversation.

2. You secretly think that you can write better than many of the best sellers out there, I mean jeez, the crap that gets published is unbelievable, right?

3. When others want to talk about their job/passion, you quickly become bored and find yourself steering the conversation back to your writing.

4. You try not to judge your writer friends work/manuscripts but constantly feel like you could "write it better".

If any one of these seem familiar, you, my dear, are in NWA.

So, what to do about it? Well, first off, be conscious that others might like to talk about their lives and remember, that's where a lot of our fodder and ideas can come from. Everyone likes to talk about themselves, so encourage it in your friends and aquamntinces and when asked, of course discuss your writing. But try not to take over the conversation.

You probably CAN write better than many bestsellers out there, but don't shout it from the roof top! It makes you (and by association, the rest of us writers) look like a bit of an ass. Not a good idea, not to mention that telling an agent/editor that you can write better than JK Rowling is something of a turn off in a business relationship. Who wants to work with a snob?

Don't worry about your writer friends. Work on you and your skills, develop your talent and IF they ask for your opinion, give it, but gently.

We all love to write, we are passionate about it and want to share it with the world, but how we do that can be the difference between finding support and a readership and finding ourselves with zero sales and no friends.

Running away from the world to Write!

Although it's great to write from home, there are lots of distractions, people, pets, laundry, and the list goes on. These distractions take us away from the flow of words and ideas and can sometimes even kill the muse. (My muse HATES cleaning and promptly leaves when I must scrub the toilet.)

Tomorrow is the start of our writer's group 2nd annual retreat. Four days and three nights of nothing but writing, writing, writing! Last year was amazing, I was able to read and edit an entire novel (95k words). Not to mention becoming totally inspired and letting that carry me through the next few months. Others were able to pump out their first short stories, near completion on sequels and wrap up niggling ideas into cohesive outlines.

One of the moments at the retreat that took me by surprise was the sheer energy a small group of like minded individuals brought together. More was accomplished within that short period than many had otherwise experienced.

If you go on no other vacation this year and you are a creator of the written word, music, art or any other muse driven craft, I highly recommend finding a few close friends who can go with you, respect your space and watch the creative energy flow!

The process of Becoming a Writer . . the reality.

This is for fun and maybe it looks a tad cynical but I wrote it all with a smile knowing that we all get here at some point.

What a non- Writer thinks the process of getting a book published takes.

Step 1- Write a book

Step 2-Sell book to a publisher

Step 3- Roll in all the money that flows from the Heavens

What a newbie writer thinks the process of getting a book published takes.

Step 1-Write a book

Step 2-Query an agent and sign a contract

Step 3- Agent sells book to a publisher

Step 4- Roll in all the money that flows from the Heavens

What a writer who’s been in the trenches a while thinks the process of getting a book published takes.

Step 1- Write a book

Step 2- Revise said book more than once

Step 3- Query many agents, pick your favourite who requests your material

Step 4- Agent sells book to publisher

Step 5- Roll in all the money that flows from the Heavens

Then there is the reality of getting a book published.

Step 1- Write a book, this might take you three months is might take you 3 years

Step 2- Revise, revise, revise

Step 3- Hire an editor to work with you on your book, query letter and synopsis

Step 4- Attend conferences and educational seminars to network and learn about the business

Step 5- Revise again now that you’ve learned some more

Step 6- Query agents

Step 7- Receive many rejections, revise query and submit again

Step 8- Wait

Step 9- Still waiting

Step 10- Yay! An agent want to read your manuscript

Step 11- It’s not for them

Step 12- Query again

Step 13- Another agent asks for a read, this time they sign you on!

Step 14- Revise manuscript again as per agents suggestions

Step 15-Agent submits to publishers

Step 16- Wait

Step 17- Still waiting

Step 18- Publishers like it and sign you to a contract

Step 19- Money does not flow from the Heavens and you are not suddenly JK Rowling.

Step 20- You can finally say you are a published author and that alone is worth all the time, blood, sweat and tears the process pulls out of you. And for most of us, that acknowledgment needs to be enough because 20 steps might not be all it takes. It might take 30, or even 40 depending on the timing, what we write and who we pitch to.

Is there anything you can add to this list? A step I’ve missed or glossed over?

Rocking Writers Group

I have the best writers group in the world. No, really, they are all incredible!

And I want to share them with you, or at least as many of them as I can that have blogs, websites or books! We’ve got it all from non-fiction, mystery, romance, fantasy and even YA and a little bit of everything in between.

There’s Jodine Carruthers who is an incredible horse trainer with a gentle touch and a firm hand (seems contradictory but with horses it is necessary) she has one book, The Joy of the Journey: Exploring a Deeper and More Fulfilling Partnership Through the Path of Harmonious Horsemanship - on the shelf and a second in the works, both non-fiction and both applicable to not only those who have horses but our individual journeys as well.

Mr. Jim Miller is our newest debutante when it comes to being published and he has done so with Ravenrock Publishing House. His novel, Mined your Own Business is a mystery (Private Rabbi Hawkins stumbles upon a dead body, a treasure map, and a conspiracy all while trying to stay in the army doing as little work as possible.) and part of a series all with the same detective.

Sandy Hunter is a Speculative Fiction writer who can be found (when not typing away madly in her dimly lit back bedroom creating worlds the rest of us only dream of) working away on her blog, Furore Scribindi (Latin translation is The rage to write.)

Mandy Borelli is our resident Chef who dabbles in historical fiction. At the moment she is putting together a fabulous cook book and recipes will soon be found on her blog, Cooking Up a Cookbook. I will say that her food is nothing short of FABULOUS!

Golf anyone? Or perhaps into screenwriting? Clive Scarff is the man of the hour when it comes to those two topics. A golf pro who has put pen to paper and published Hit Down Dammit! amongst other golfing publications. He can also be tracked down in between the greens on his blog.

Ya Fantasy with a Narnia like twist is CJ Goslings forte. Writing for Brighter Books Publishing house, CJ’s book, The Guardian is the first in a trilogy. Hard at work on books number 2 and 3, CJ is a sweet soul who always has something good to say, whether that be in person or on her blog, Tapping the Muse.

Dr. Kathie Black is one of the founding members of our writing group and has her hands in almost every aspect of the publishing business. A non-fiction author of several books, most recently Need For Heat a book about the benefits of infrared sauna’s, she is also the owner and President of Ravenrock Publishing house. (They are currently taking submissions!)

Mimi Barbour is the queen of romance, and paranormal romance at that! Together Again is the latest in her body jumping souls series, love stories with a definite twist. Mimi can be found on her website and also eyeing up the hunks on the beach . . . but of course that is just research! ;p

Please take the time to check these folks out, they are all fabulous and worth the time. Though this isn’t everyone in my group, as more people get published, develop blogs or get websites I’ll be sure to pass it all on to you as I wouldn’t want you to miss out on them.

Blog & Life Update

Sometimes a blog post is necessary for this sort of deal. I have a lot of little things to share, information, upcoming events and blog posts and there isn't much to do but put it all in one ginormous information laden post.

Kidding. :)

First off, my young reviewer and I have yet to connect on his latest reads so it may be a bit before we get this idea launched properly. But no fear, it will happen!

Some upcoming posts, there will be an interview and give-away with CJ Gosling about her YA Fantasy The Guardian, another post with Elizabeth Engstrom on When to say goodbye to your Agent and a list of the ins and outs of publishing and all the people you never knew existed (like literary Scouts) to name a few.

There will be a contest coming up when my followers on my blog hits 150. This will be a big splash of a contest with lots of goodies! Details are still in the works but I think it's going to be a real fun one. :)

Finally, my own writing journey has gotten under way. Though I don't yet have a contract with publishing house yet, it is getting closer as my agent continues to submit the ms. Along these lines, I will be taking some editing courses in March in the hopes that I will make less mistakes in my own work.

This also means that I will be looking to dip my toes into the free lance editing world. So to pick those lucky few, I have a contest for free edits in order to get feedback before I start on this as a potential side career.

Sounds good? Would love to hear what you all think about this. Thanks for your support in this crazy journey of mine.

Agents, Editors and Publishing Oh my!

This is a quick post with a link to an interview and not just any old interview, but one with me! My very first of hopefully many, I was asked a bunch of questions about my agent, my journey in my writing and a little about my writing too.

The interview was by CJ Gosling, a good friend and writer who's debut YA Fantasy, The Guardian is launching this week.

So click on the link, I think it was pretty cool to be interviewed and I hope you like it. :)

Writers Indigestion

Do you ever feel like your plate is beyond full? Like going to a smorgasbord and having some rotten friend load your dish with everything they know you love but couldn’t possibly finish in one sitting? Or that if you do eat it all in one sitting, you'll have a major case of indigestion? Something no amount of Tums or Rolaids can cure.

Seeing everything that is at this moment on my plate, it’s all good. There are very few proverbial peas. That doesn’t make it any easier to see the pile that is in front of me, or the fact that I have to tackle it all myself. And if I’m being totally honest, there are days that I feel completely overwhelmed at what I have on my plate. I’m not complaining, but this is a truth I didn’t expect once I got an agent.

I get the feeling that this is common issue for writers. We want to write, we want to be published, known and loved for the passion we put into each novel. Each rewrite of our current manuscript, query or synopsis brings us that much closer to the holy grail of writers.

The Contract.

As if the Contract will make our live better, easier, the words we once stumbled on will now flow like smooth warm chocolate onto the pages of our work in progress. I think that is a fallacy that needs to be debunked.

I still struggle with writing, the dreaded block visits me still from time to time, I panic when I think I haven’t met my personal quota and I wonder if the day will come that a publisher will give me the bigger CONTRACT, despite my belief in my own work. Perhaps this is too much honesty, perhaps all of my fellow writers only want to hear about how great it is to take that step, to have an agent, to be able to say you’re represented. It is great to be able to say that. But I think that would be a statement that would be obvious. What doesn’t get talked about often enough is the hard part of the journey.

I read a blog sometime ago, and I wish I could link to it to more clearly define what it is I’m trying to say. Writers (myself included) can get totally caught up in the next big step, forgetting that there is always going to be another step. Agent, publishing house, debut novel, bestseller list. There will always be something that we reach for and if we don’t appreciate the journey, we end up no longer loving the path we tread, nor appreciating what it is we have. That is my goal, the whole point to this post. I vow to more fully enjoy each step, to remember why I write, the root of my passion and the reasons I put pen to paper.

And I hope you do the same.

Agents Response

I would cut and paste the agent's most recent response, but it was short and to the point so I'll keep it brief.

She will be sending me a draft agency agreement by Tuesday and is looking forward to representing me. For some reason, she thinks I'll be fun to work with.

Did I mention that I have an agent in all but signature? And no, I'm not telling you her name until the ink is on the paper. Call me superstitious, but I'm waiting for the fat lady to sing.

Yes I'm excited, elated, happy and freaking out all at the same time. Still waiting for someone to jump out from around a corner and yell, "Psych!". So until that happens, I'm going to be happy and smiling and writing.

Closer and closer. . .

I have been trying to downplay the excitement of having an agent truly interested in my work the last two days. People ask me how the conference went and I say, "Oh, quite well." Clients want to know if I snagged an agent and I say, "Don't know yet, could be a few weeks."

And then I came home, after a long day working in the sun and plotting out in my head the next book in the Gluttony series. And there was an email waiting for me....

The agent has already finished reading Gluttony, has sent it out to an independent reader who also has already finished reading it. That's two people in barely two days that have completely read my book. Here's what the agent said :

I am wrung out from reading this weirdly wonderful novel almost non-stop--well between e-mails, calls and other business. It's not what I usually read--not even close, so who am I to judge. I had an independent reader read it on the condition of absolute confidentiality and he read it quickly, which he admitted to being evidence that it is engrossing.

He wrote "There were a few things (2 or 3) that needed to be explained better, but other than that I thought it was very clever. The connection between the characters names and their vices was helpful. I think showing the Vices and Virtues as real people and exploring the conflicts amongst themselves...not just good vs evil, but amongst the Vices and presumably the Virtues and the struggles within themselves is something many people will be able to identify with. Toni was believable and yes, I would read the next instalment. If the entire story could be told in a trilogy, I'd probably read the third book as well."

Does this mean I have an agent? I have no idea. But I think, it's getting closer. . . .and yes, I am doing the happy screaming, freaking out scaring my animals to death dance! :D

Here we go!

So you're all dying to know how the Pacific Northwest Writers Conference went. No one word could even come close to how well it went. I pitched my book 7 times, 5 agents and 2 editors. All of them gave me a card, 3 of those cards came from people who don't give out "mercy cards". As in, you paid for this conference so we should give you a card.

I had one agent in particular, no names mentioned until I know for sure what's going to happen, who not only loved my pitch and me, she took a hard copy submission package from me right there. For those of you who don't go to conferences, that just isn't done due to the volume of paper they would end up with at the end of the weekend. She also told me to stop pitching to the other agents and just go home so that she wouldn't have any competition. Pretty nice feeling!

Both editors requested my full ms and one of them pulled me aside after our meeting and told me that he felt my ms would be a perfect fit for a particular line within his publishing house, so the sooner I could get it to him the better.

The whole weekend was a bit surreal, I had experience after experience where I gave my pitch, ran into agents on the elevator, the hallway, at breakfast and gave them reason's (good ones!) to remember me. If I didn't know better, I would say that it wasn't me there at all.

Gotta go now, getting some more information from an agent down the pipeline. Will updtae later today!!!

Inner Critic Be Damned!

I’ve been reading lots of other writer’s blogs lately, amazed at just how dang good they all are! Funny, insightful, imaginative and well written. I love to see what they’re up to and what they’re working on. Sometimes I can totally relate to their struggles, sometimes I know I’m not there yet.
And then my inner critic started to be a jerk. So what am I doing on this blog, what am I accomplishing by putting words on paper? I caught myself before it got too out of control, smacked down that inner critic and realized what I was doing. Something that a lot of writers do, something that a lot of people do. Comparing myself to the other bloggers and writers is a vicious cycle and once it starts, ah crap, its hard to get out of it. It can take away your drive to write, stagnate your muse and leave you wondering if you should even bother with pen and paper anymore.
So here is what I did to shut down my inner critic.

1. There’s always at least one person who’s read your work and knows just how good it really is and for me that’s my brother and my best friend. They both are honest and will tell me my work sucks or if it rocks.

2. I checked out some of the blogs out there again with a different reason. So many people go through the same insecurity issues. We’ve all got them and it’s good to remember that I wasn’t alone.

3. I went back and read some of the requests for partials, reminded myself that I’d gotten at least that far, and just needed to keep at it.

4. Lastly, I wrote this blog. Maybe there is someone out there right now thinking they aren’t good enough, should surrender the pen and just forget about their dreams. Don’t do it. The difficulties and sometimes heartbreak that this business can bring doesn’t outweigh the love of writing, and the moments of accomplishments.

So for those of you who read this, how do you smack down your inner critic (whether it be in writing or anything else)? Baseball bats, tire irons or the good old tar and feathering??

Sounds good. . . write?

Eee gads. Where to start? Okay, I have two days of writing ahead of me, my husband is off working this weekend which keeps the house quiet and I have a ms that I'm totally in love with and can't wait to get back to. Sounds good right?

I also seem to have a slight addiction to Twitter now that I'm figuring it out and have been searching for writers and such, chatting with them and making friends. Also sounds good, right?

I've sent my completed ms, The Chronicles of Sin: Gluttony, off to the editor for a final polish edit after completing some awesome revisions so I can then send out another round to agents. Still sounds good.

So before the other shoe drops and something happens that I'm no longer writing this weekend, or all my new Twitter friends unfollow me (Yay for my Twitter followers!), or God forbid, my editor tells me she will no longer edit for me no matter how much money I pay her, I'm going to go get writing.

(As a side note, just heard from my editor. She'll keep editing for me, I just have to send her another cheque!)

An "aha" Moment.

There are so many things you are told to do once you've decided to write at more than just a hobby level. Write everyday, just let it flow, get structured, write for what you love, write for the market, don't let the muse dry up. . . the list could fill page after page and still you (and I) would be left completely in the dark.

I get caught up in the "to do" list. How many words can I get in a day? 1500? 5000? Does it really matter if I'm just filling a quota?

I've been thinking a lot about the creative process the last few days, as I've struggled with getting back into writing my second book that is tentatively called "Priceless". Ruminating on the way I've been trying to make my writing work and realizing that I'd forgotten that no matter what part of the process you're in, it should be enjoyable. If it isn't then maybe there's a reason for that, maybe you're headed in the wrong direction. That's not to say each step won't be difficult, a challenge can be a fun thing too.

All this leads up to is that I've gone back to the drawing board for "Priceless". In just spending some time on the outline, fleshing out the world and motivation for the characters, I've fallen back in love with the story. How many words did I write? Lots. How many counted towards the completion of the book? All of them. Even if I didn't keep track. :D

The Past

Okay, so here's my first attempt at a picture that worked. That's me to the left, a few years younger when I was doing nothing but dreaming of becoming an author. As you can see, I was already practicing my messy, artistic hair look, along with the glossed over eyes of a person seeing a world that hadn't yet been created.

When I look at this picture I see all the possibilities of a future that I had no idea were even truly within my grasp. I wish I could go back and tell her that its okay to dream, to write and to believe that no matter how crazy your ideas are that there's nothing wrong with them.

So for all of you young ones, keep believing in the impossible, its there, just around the corner if you're patient and willing to wait.

Hair Pulling

That's what its come to.

Too many people, too many opinions, all of them showing validity of some sort or another. Being directed to so many different ways of writing is a more than stressful, its frustrating. Do I trust the professional who I've hired to help me, even when I feel that perhaps she's outdated on some of her information? Do I go with the writers who are in the trenches with me, struggling along, trying to make it and giving me their thoughts on how they would write the novel? How about the agent with the vague feedback?

Like I said, they all have validity, they all make good points and I trust them all for their area's of expertise. But trying to please all of them is impossible.

I suppose I should say something like "But the person I trust most is myself, so I will listen to my heart." Yeah right. The whole point of having others read my work, is to get feedback. But now the process is filtering what will work with my ms and what won't, what makes it better and what bogs it down.

That is my goal the next few weeks. Filtering out what is best for me and my ms and trying to ignore the rest. Harder than it sounds.

Next Step

So today I received the second agents response and it was "No thanks, great premise, would be great in the market but just not for me." Huh?

Yes, I know it's probably a form response, sure looked like it anyway. What does all this mean? For starters, back to the beginning. I've contacted a gal who was recommended to me by the editor from Tor to see if she'll give my book a read through without getting too deep into editing as I've already paid a bundle for that. But a second opinion on the marketability of the ms would be great.

And then I'm off hunting agents, wascally things that they are. This one is harder than it sounds as I think I will re-work my query and synopsis first, then start lining them up. Much as I'd love to meet them all face to face and pitch them in person, that's just not viable with the costs of conferences and such.

After the last post you must be wondering about my mental state. No doubt here, just as my writing friend Charity put it, Perseverance.

Patiently waiting. . .sort of.

I had a discussion with one of my clients about my book and where I was at in the process of it and she made a comment about how waiting wasn't really that hard. The conversation went something like this.

Client, "Well at least your book is out there, the waiting isn't really all that bad."

Shannon, "You should try it then, see how you like it."

Client, "Well it's not like your pregnant and you have nine months to wait before you have a baby."

Shannon, "At least you have an end date with a pregnancy, you know when that kid is coming out within a few days. I have no end in sight, nothing to strive for except patience. Can you imagine being pregnant and not knowing how big you were going to get before the kid popped out? You could end up with a freaking toddler!"

And that was my conclusion, that this process is supposed to be teaching me something about patience and life as well as writing. Only thing is, I find myself with less patience. I think it is being sucked out of me by the waiting.