1. Never do anything you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics
2. To err is human, to arr is pirate
3. I’ve got a God-given right to be an atheist
4. Even if the voices aren’t real, they’ve got some good ideas
5. I’m great in bed, I can sleep all night
6. Eliminate and abolish redundancy
7. I started with nothing and I still have most of it left
8. Help! I’ve farted and I can’t roll down my windows
9. Even though this is a stupid sticker, you’re still squinting to read it
10. My other bumper sticker is funny
11. If you can read this I’m not impressed. Most people can read.
12. My day is not complete until I’ve terrified a complete stranger
13. I’m only speeding cause I really have to poop (I actually bought this for my dad!)
14. My podcast beat up your blog
15. Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?