Letter to a Difficult Husband

Twelfth day of the eleventh month of the tenth year. Cool date and worthy of a blog post for more than that reason. Today also marks the ten year anniversary of me and my husband’s life together. I’ve seen a few blogs where husbands are thanked for their unending support, their love, understanding of a writers quirks and even their willingness to chip in and help with conferences and housework. I don’t know where those men are found, I think they may in fact be from Mars.

I would however like to thank my husband, who does not always fit into those catergories, for a few things. Not what you’d expect, but the kind of things, I, as a person have needed.

To the one who has stretched me further than any other person in my life:

There are times when I’ve cursed you, for your bluntness, your ability to see through my defences and for calling me on my bluffs. There are times when I’ve lain in bed, crying myself to sleep for a misplaced word, tone in your voice or what I perceive as a lack of attention. You have forced me to look at myself, my life and my decisions with a logical eye (not something I have) as well as an eye to the future. I hated it at times.

Do I regret having you in my life? No. In pushing me out of my comfort zones and forcing me to stand up for what I believe in and who I am you’ve made me a better person. Was the ride always comfortable? No, but it taught me things that I otherwise never would have learned, or if I had, the lessons would have been at the hands of those who cared nothing for me and did what they did only to hurt me.

Do you regret having taught me these things? I think maybe there are days that you do. You didn’t want a doormat for a wife and you saw in me the possibility of a woman of strength. Now you have her, I think perhaps there are days you wonder why you did what you did. I see it in your eyes, a glimmer of what the hell did I teach her that for. But more than that, I see respect for me as a person, not just as your wife.

You’ve pushed me to lengths that no one else in my life has ever even thought of and I thank you for that. You are the one who believed in me when no one else did, you are the one who forced me to see the person I could be, you are the one who drove me to fight for want I want in my life. These are not things that many women would be thankful for, and I certainly wasn’t in the moments that they happened. But ten years and all that lays within them has given me a little perspective. And a lot of gratitude for the stubborn, complicated man that I love more than anyone else in this world.

So for all of you who struggle with a man like mine, hang on to him. He will teach you things you never knew about yourself and when you look back, you will see how just far you’ve come.