Thursday, October 18, 2012

33 Pee your Pants Funny #amwriting Tips

I didn't come up with these on my own, I stole them from :0) But they were totally worth the theft . . .and I will be giving you some more later in the week . . .

1. Every sentence should make sense in isolation. Like that one.

2. Excessive hyperbole is literally the kiss of death.

3. ASBMAETP: Acronyms Should Be Memorable And Easy To Pronounce, and SATAN: Select Acronyms That Are Non-offensive.

4. Finish your point on an up-beat note, unless you can't think of one.

5. Don't patronise the reader-he or she might well be intelligent enough to spot it.

6. A writer needs three qualities: creativity, originality, clarity and a good short term memory.

7. Choose your words carefully and incitefully.

8. Avoid unnecessary examples; e.g. this one.

9. Don't use commas, to separate text unnecessarily.

10. It can be shown that you shouldn't miss out too many details.

11. Similes are about as much use as a chocolate teapot.

12. Avoid ugly abr'v'ns.

13. Spellcheckers are not perfect; they can kiss my errs.

14. Somebody once said that all quotes should be accurately attributed.

15. Americanisms suck.

16. Capitalising for emphasis is UGLY and DISTRACTING.

17. Underlining is also a big no-no.

18. Mixed metaphors can kill two birds without a paddle.

19. Before using a cliché, run it up the flagpole and see if anybody salutes.

20. There is one cheap gimmick that should be avoided at all costs..............suspense.

21. State your opinions forcefully-this is perhaps the key to successful writing.

22. Never reveal your sources (Alistair Watson, 1993).

23. Pile on lots of subtlety.

24. Sure signs of lazy writing are incomplete lists, etc.

25. Introduce meaningless jargon on a strict need-to-know basis.

26. The word "gullible" possesses magic powers and hence it should be used with care.

27. The importance of comprehensive cross-referencing will be covered elsewhere.

28. Resist the temptation to roll up the trouser-legs of convention, cast off the shoes and socks of good taste, and dip your toes refreshingly into the cool, flowing waters of fanciful analogy.

29. Don't mess with Mr. Anthropomorphism.

30. Understatement is a mindblowingly effective weapon.

31. Injecting enthusiasm probably won't do any harm.

32. It is nice to be important, but it is more important to avoid using the word 'nice'.

33. Appropriate metaphors are worth their weight in gold.


Masquerade Crew said...

Sometimes the best way to get something across is to do the exact opposite.

Kathy Lynn Hall said...

I think #23 is my favorite, but they're all very, EXTREMELY, totally and as insanely funny as slipping on a banana! Oops.