Tuesday, October 23, 2012

The last batch of Funny #amwriting tips . . . Promise

Okay, this is it. The last batch. All good, all funny. Enjoy. Stolen from http://psychoprogs.com

67. Strangely enough, it is impossible to construct a sentence that illustrates the meaning of the word 'irony.'

68. Consult a writing manual to assure that your English is correct.

69. It has been suggested that some words are absolute, not relative. This is very true.

70. Be careful when forming words into a sentence-all orderings are not correct.

71. Many words can ostensibly be deleted.

72. In your quest for clarity, stop at nothing.

73. Complete mastery of the English language comes with conscientious study, notwithstanding around in bars. Moreover the next page. Inasmuch detail as possible.

74. Sporting analogies won't even get you to first base.

75. If you must quote, quote from one of the all-time greats (Cedric.P. Snodworthy, 1964).

76. In the absence of a dictionary, stick to words of one syllabus.

77. Steer clear of word-making-up-ism.

78. Readers will not stand for any intolerance.

79. If there's one thing you must avoid it's over-simplification.

80. Double entendres will get you in the end.

81. Vagueness is the root of miscommunication, in a sense.

82. Don't bother with those "increase-your-word-power" books that cost an absorbent amount of

83. Self-contradiction is confusing, and yet strangely enlightening.

84. Surrealism without purpose is like fish.

85. Ignorance: good writers don't even know the meaning of the word.

86. The spoken word can look strange when written down, I'm afraid.

87. Stimpy the Squirrel says "Don't treat the reader like a little child."

88. Intimidatory writing is for wimps.

89. Learn one new maths word every day, and you'll soon find your vocabulary growing exponentially.

90. My old high school English teacher put it perfectly when she said: "Quoting is lazy. Express
things in your own words."

91. She also said: "Don't use that trick of paraphrasing...... [other people's words]...... inside a quote."

92. A lack of compassion in a writer is unforgivable.

93. On a scale of 0 to 10, internal consistency is very important.

94. Thankfully, by the year 2016 rash predictions will be a thing of the past.

95. There is no place for overemphasis, whatsoever.

96. Leave out the David Hockney rhyming slang.

97. Bad writers are hopefully ashamed of themselves.

98. Eschew the highfalutin.

99. Sometimes you publish a sentence and then, on reflection, feel that you shouldn't ought to have been and gone and written it quite that way.

100. Practice humility until you feel that you're really good at it.

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