Monday, May 30, 2011

How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse

I guess before we even get to surviving a zombie apocalypse, we first need to know WHEN a zombie apocalypse is happening. What are the first signs we could be in trouble? And do you think we could be headed that way now?


Well, no one knows exactly WHEN a Zombiepocalypse is going to happen, but I'd say watch the government very closely. Scientists too. They like playing God and will likely inadvertently create zombies by way of testing theories they have. For example, nanobots, as pointed out in this cracked.com article, could very well bring about the Zombiepocalypse, all because some scientist wants to keep a body alive a bit longer after death for some of his crazy research. Frightening!


And yes, I totally think we're heading for this type of apocalypse. Isn't there something in the Bible about the dead walking the earth? *shrugs* I don't know. I'm not very religious. Don't sit next to me in church. You'll be going to Hell right along with me because I'll make you laugh through the entire mass.

I'd say that if someone limps toward you and tries to bite you, that's a pretty good sign the Zombiepocalypse has begun. The rotting flesh falling from them might be a clue too. Maybe a missing arm and they're walking around like it's nothing. I'm really hoping zombies can't run, though.

Also, watch/listen to the news and pay attention . . . actually, wait, Twitter is faster and more reliable than any news source. Pay attention to Twitter!


Okay, so now we know we are going to be fighting off the undying hordes, what’s the next step? Food, shelter, weapons? Or maybe none of those?

I actually have a few posts coming up on the Zombie Survival Crew website that covers this area, so I don't want to disclose too much, but I will tell you this: start gathering your weapons now because if your idea is to raid the local Army surplus store right when the Zombiepocalypse begins, get in line and be prepared for a battle because not only does everyone else in the city have the same idea as you, but who do you think runs those stores? Cletus and Earl, that's who! And those boys will defend their keep!

I have to ask, I had several suggestions on my blog to use weapons of a bygone era, spears, arrows and such as they could be used over and over. What’s your take on that?


I am all for using anything quiet, as the sound of gunfire could attract the shambling horde. I'll be covering this topic as well on the ZSC blog in the coming weeks. I have a compound bow, a .22 rifle, and a 30/30. Within the city where the horde of zombies is, I'll be using my bow, though a crossbow would be smaller and easier to handle. You can reuse the arrows, if you can retrieve them. I also suggest learning how to use a staff for close, quiet kills. I am an Amazon, after all.

Best place to hunker down when the horde hits.

If within a large metropolitan city, I don't believe there is any place to hunker down that's completely safe, so I'm planning my escape routes to get out of the city quickly with whatever I can fit in my Avalanche. Aside from that, fortified buildings are good, like prisons and such, but you won't find me there. I hate that in Dawn of the Dead they all end up in a mall. I mean, c'mon, really? Get out of the cities!

It is also my theory that pretty much everyone (characters) in a zombie movie has never seen a zombie movie.

How long before the bodies start to decay or will they? (Hard to know with the conflicting movie messages in regards to this.)

I do believe the bodies will continue to decay because they're dead. My only issue is wondering why rigor mortis hasn't set in. That's my logical brain at work, which also demands that zombies cannot run. I'm with George Romero on that one!
I live in a desert, so if the Zombiepocalypse starts right around summer, like now, those triple-digit temperatures are certainly going to make those zombies rot much faster. It's one of the few advantages I can come up with for staying in Arizona. I'd definitely stay away from the perfect climates, which sucks because, you know, it's a perfect climate. Who wants to leave that? (Perfect to me is mid-70s temps)

How do you know if someone is going to be a zombie? What are the first signs and symptoms?

If bite marks aren't in plain sight, you'll notice the person probably keeping their distance from the rest of the group so they don't get found out. They may spike a fever, get the sweats, and so on too, in which case I would demand a strip search to look for bites. Hey, someone's got to do it and I don't feel like getting attacked in the middle of the night off guard because some idiot couldn't tell the truth. It may sound brutal, but I intend to survive for as long as I can.
And not to worry, if I get bitten, I'll put a bullet in my own head to save y'all the trouble.

Other suggestions to avoid the zombie hordes have been to head for an island, head north, and one gal even suggested locking herself into a Costco? What are your thoughts on these tactics?

I would say an island would be ideal, so long as the infection hasn't made it there or it's uninhabited. I hear a lot of people saying to head north. I guess they think the cold will slow the zombies down. You'd better head to the North Pole then, because you want the horde to freeze, not slow down. Oh, I have a funny story for this . . . a friend of mine a few years back called a real estate agent one day to inquire about buying land in Antarctica. The agent paused and clarified my friend's request. When my friend repeated his words, the agent asked why he was interested in land in Antarctica (because you can't buy land in Antarctica). My friend then responded with, "Because that's where I'm going when the zombies come." The agent paused again, and then said, "Excuse me?" My friend replied, "When the zombies come, I want to be in Antarctica, so I'd like to buy some land there." The agent hung up on him.

First, it's true that you can't buy land in Antarctica. Second, that is a true story, I'm not kidding. It was at the height of the poor man's breakdown, but he's much better now. Third, I pretty much fell over laughing too when I found out.

And back to the question . . . .
I would not lock myself in a store of any kind without a way to get out in the instance the building is surrounded by zombies (*ahem* Dawn of the Dead).

Any last thoughts about things I haven’t covered? (I’m sure there’s a lot so fill in whatever you’d like.)

Oh my goodness, there's so much!

Everyone really should have a Plan in the event a Zombiepocalypse actually does happen. I mean, you have people with bomb shelters and people who have plans for any apocalypse. Planning for a Zombiepocalypse isn't much different. You'll need clean water, non-perishable food supplies, maybe some camping gear, weapons . . . survival stuff. Think Ted Nugent and you'll be right on track.

Has anyone read The Forest of Hands and Teeth by Carrie Ryan? Oh. My. God. That's a good book! I highly recommend it.


Thanks for having me on your blog, Shannon! If your readers would like to keep updated on the Zombiepocalypse, head on over to the ZSC website at http://zombiesurvivalcrew.com. We're a crazy bunch, true, but we're a crazy bunch with a bunch of crazy actors along for the ride. And recently at Spooky Empire's Mayhem in Orlando, Florida, our fearless leader (the crazy woman who started it all) recruited Anthony Michael Hall AND Ted Raimi as First Lieutenants on the crew! We also have the Boondock Saints and several cast members from The Walking Dead.
This is big, people. Join ZSC. We'll keep you safe from the shambling hordes. Why? Because we're taking humans off the endangered species list one zombie at a time.

Jinxie G
Yellow Brigade Commander
Zombie slayer
Vampire wrangler
Sometimes author



N.L. "Jinxie" Gervasio was born on Friday the thirteenth. Her dad wanted to call her Jinx. Her mom said no. It took thirty-four years for her to discover the nickname, and she's grown quite attached to it. She lives in Tempe, Arizona with Umi (her mother) and Moon (her Alaskan malamute). She enjoys riding her beach cruiser "The Betty" around downtown Tempe, loves a good pub crawl, and has had the pleasure and the heartache of experiencing a love far greater than she could have ever imagined.
She welcomes you to her world.

2 comments:

Jinxie said...

Wow! What happened with the spacing? LOL We could probably fix this, if you'd like. :)

This is the actual link for the cracked.com article: http://www.cracked.com/article_15643_5-scientific-reasons-zombie-apocalypse-could-actually-happen.html

Tanya said...

wow shannon!, so many funny memories with this one :) as well as i know the costco part quite well :P